Confessions
by The Sacred and Profane
Summary: Beast Boy may appear to be a jester on the outside, but what lies beneath the surface? Please R&R.


Confessions

Author's note: I do not own the Teen Titans or anything related to them.

My eyes adjusted to the harsh sunlight coming through my window. Looking over at the clock on my wall, I sighed. Way too early to wake up, but I can't really get back to sleep after I'm up, something to do with my DNA I suppose. I look at myself in the mirror. On the surface, I'm the joker, the happy go lucky member of the Titans. But people are rarely who they appear to be.

After brushing my fangs and my hair I get ready to do my daily meditation. The subjects are life and love. I quit after five seconds. How _she _manages to do it, I'll never know. After her father was defeated you would think she would open up more but you might as well tell the sun to stop rising than to try and change Raven. Lord knows, I've tried and I'm pretty persistent if I do say so myself. Well today is going to be different. I'm going to tell her how I feel about her once and for all and she can take me as I am or reject me. I have no plan for the latter option but I'm a live in the moment kind of guy.

I head downstairs to make some tofu for breakfast when I hear a familiar pair of footsteps. Looks like I managed to wake up when she did.

"Morning Rae." I said, smiling at the pale beauty before me. Her response is typical.

"It's Raven and what are you doing up so early?" Her eyes bore into mine and for a second I'm ready to tell her how I feel.

"Well, I uh- but then I'm blasted off my feet by my good pal Cyborg. I owe him one.

"Hey BB, you ready to get schooled on Street Fighter again?" I get to my feet and brush myself off.

"Not yet Cy, let's eat first."

After annoying Cy with my anti-meat rant, I whoop his butt on Street Fighter. Honestly, when will he learn that there's no better character than Ryu? But anyway, the day begins in earnest with Robin running in and telling us about the latest bank robbery. So we head out and save another day. I won't bore you with the details; suffice to say that we got the job done. Once we're back in the tower I run up to my room and grab the note I composed just the other night. Then I head towards her door. No one is around to spy on me and I know because when you have ears like mine, it's hard not to hear everything around you. I can hear her calm breaths as she meditates and those same three words over and over again. I swiftly post the note to her door and bolt out of there. I have a couple of hours to blow until she's done so I help Starfire take care of Silkie. Then I head up to the roof to wait for Raven.

About half an hour later, I hear footsteps heading toward the roof. Then I heard her voice.

"What is this about, Beast Boy?" She was holding the note in her hands. I sigh heavily and begin talking.

"Raven, what would you say if I told you I love you?" Her expression didn't change but I saw astonishment in her eyes. It's funny, no matter how well someone can control their emotions the eyes always give them away. She stayed silent, thinking. Then she spoke.

"I don't believe you. This is just another one of your jokes or you're doing this on a bet. I can't love. I can't feel anything." She started to leave but I hugged her to me.

"Rae, I'm not joking, I really do love you and you're not some replacement for Terra. I've cared about you from the first time I saw you. And don't give the 'I can't feel' bullshit! You're entitled to love just like anyone else, so stop hiding behind this mask." I feel her powers push me away and she looks at me with tears falling down her pale face. Then she runs away, not saying anything and I don't stop her. That look had frozen me and destroyed my façade. It wasn't a look of understanding; rather it was a disgusted glare. My true nature came slipping through the cracks of my mind like worms crawling through a corpse. Then I heard the voices come back from my childhood. I see the syringes and the chemicals and feel the shocks and the beatings.

_Who could love a freak like you?! No one cares for you and no one ever will!_ Then I remember walking in a daze back to my room and falling asleep, the darkness covering me.

I remember waking up and not giving a damn what time it was. I stayed in my room all day, not answering Cyborg's or Starfire's calls to wake up. Then the Titan alarm went off. I struggled to my feet and made my way down towards the rest of the group. I avoided looking at her and focused on Robin.

"Beast Boy, are you alright? Maybe you should sit out of this one." I lied to him and he continued on with the briefing. Another bank robbery, perfect, maybe one of the fools will put me out of my misery.

I was the first one on the scene and started fighting. I noticed movement behind me but didn't do anything to stop the crook from aiming at me.

"Don't move or I'll put a bullet between your eyes." I turn around and face him.

"If you're going to shoot me, go ahead. I don't have anything to live for anyway." The idiot started shaking. "Is this the first time you've ever held a gun before, your hands are shaking." I step closer and the man yells at me to step back. I move closer and then I feel the bullet strike my chest and then another. The last thing I see before I pass out is black energy wrapping around the robber. _Too late, Rae._ I think as oblivion claims me.

My life is flashing before my eyes and I see my father with the needle in his left hand getting closer and closer. I see my mother beating me and then I see them drowning, their boat capsized by the two holes I had secretly drilled into the bottom. My father had experimented on me, shocking me and draining my blood day after day. I wasn't a son to him, just an experiment, and an answer to some formula. I never knew what he was trying to accomplish. After my parent's "accident" I wandered around just drifting from place to place until I was found by the Titans. My eyes jolt open and I find myself lying on my back and blue sky all around. Then I felt two drops of water hit my face. Then I feel two hands stroking my hair. I realize I'm lying on Raven's legs. She let the most beautiful smile I've ever seen grace her face.

"Now you know all my sins, don't you?" I ask her. She smiles sadly at me.

"I forgive you." She said, then she leaned in and kissed me.

My eyes fluttered open and I realized I was lying in the medical room. Raven was asleep next to me. I gently touched her hand and she woke up.

"Gar, how are you feeling?" I motion her forward with my hands and I hug her.

"Safe. When I'm with you, I feel so safe, like I'm home." She didn't respond with words but hugged me just as tight. I won't bore you with the rest of the details.

Beast Boy stopped talking when he realized his little girl was almost asleep. Pale skin clashed with green hair and purple eyes. Beast Boy kissed his daughter on the forehead. She woke up a little and mumbled, "Love you, daddy."

"Love you too, Rem, love you too." Confession is always good for the soul.


End file.
